How to Reclaim Mother’s Day - Celebrating YOU for Reparenting your Inner Child/Adult Self

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, I can’t help but think about all of the motherless children and adults out there that spend this day feeling heartbroken, resentful, and abandoned. 

It weighs very heavily on my heart. 

Mother’s Day can be triggering for people with abusive, emotionally immature, and absent mothers. 

Especially if you find yourself scrolling through social media full of your friends posts about how much love they have for their mothers. It can be so hard not to build resentment when the woman that is supposed to love you unconditionally wasn’t there to keep you safe, or even worse…was your first abuser.

You are not alone. 

But what if instead of being consumed by these painful emotions, you decided to celebrate yourself this mothers day?

What if you decided to honour the work you’ve put in to re-parenting yourself when you never should have had to?

To all of my friends, chosen family, black sheep, scapegoats, and clients that have had to dig themselves out of the trenches…I see you.

Learning how to love yourself when you were taught that you are unlovable is one of the most painful and challenging beliefs you will ever have to unlearn. 

You’ve been embarking on the excruciatingly painful path of healing for a long time, doing the work, setting boundaries, ending relationships, seeking therapy, changing your lifestyle, and re-inventing yourself for years. 

You may not have even realized it, but you’ve been becoming the mother your younger self needed all along. And that is a reason to celebrate yourself this Mother’s Day!

So what does celebrating yourself on Mothers Day look like?

Write a card/letter to your present day self thanking you for all of the ways you’re showing up and tending to your needs

Thank yourself for showing up on the days where you’d rather not. 

Thank yourself for leaning into the painful emotions when it would be easier to avoid them. 

Thank yourself for tending to your daily responsibilities despite the ruminating thoughts of past events replaying in your head. 

Thank yourself for showing up scared and doing hard things. 

Thank yourself for being so brave and replacing your mother’s voice in your head that says you’re not enough/bad/unlovable. 

Thank yourself for turning towards your inner child and keeping them safe from the woman that was supposed to love you and chose not to. 

And thank yourself for surviving the pain and anguish that was growing up alone without anyone to turn to and help you make sense of your often frightening reality. 

You’re doing great. 

Buy yourself a gift as an act of self-love 

Children and adults have been spoiling their mothers for decades on Mother’s Day as an act of appreciation and love. 

Who says you can’t show yourself the same level of gratitude? Who says you can’t buy yourself freshly cut flowers or something you really want?

The amount of work it takes to acknowledge your pain, accept that you’ve never had the mother you deserved, and step into action to become that parent is tremendous!

Treat yourself to something special, something just for you for having the courage to mother your inner child/adult self and tend to your unmet needs. 

You are worthy of it. 

Engage in an activity that brings you joy & lets you play/have fun 

Take this day to set yourself free and let your inner child play! 

Take a movement class or frolic around outside. 

Make a craft, paint something, or play your favourite song and sing your heart out!

Spend time in nature and go for a hike or plant something in the garden.

Go to a trampoline park, arcade, gym, laser tag, roller skating, aerial studio or any other fun activity you can think of that will light your inner child up from the inside out! 

Prioritize time for yourself on this day to have fun. 

Your childhood was wrongfully taken from you. Reclaim it, embrace it, and allow yourself the space to experience JOY just for the heck of it. 

Cook yourself dinner or bake yourself a treat 

Nurture yourself and your body by cooking a lovely meal or baking yourself something delicious.

When our emotions weren’t nurtured growing up, we can sometimes feel guilty for taking the time to pour back into ourselves. To stand tall and strong and say, “I deserve this”. 

I’m here to tell you that you do deserve it. That you are worthy of receiving and enjoying things in your life whether anyone else believes it to be true or not. 

Nurture YOU.

Indulge in a wellness treatment of your choice  

Have you been putting off scheduling that massage, acupuncture, physiotherapy, haircut, nail appointment, or spa day?

This is your green light to make it happen. 

To carve out one hour of your day specifically for yourself to let your hair down and relax. Enjoy being taken care of rather than tending to everyone else's needs.  

The work never ends and healing can be exhausting. Mothering yourself is not for the faint of heart and you’re going to need to replenish your energy levels in order to continue showing up for yourself. 

Take this day to unwind, recharge, and show yourself some love and tenderness.

Take a nap 

Healing and evolving our mind, body, and soul can feel draining. That’s because it is. 

The body requires extra rest to move through this process and integrate new behaviours and patterns in our daily lives. 

Allow yourself as much time as you need to sleep. Cozy up and recharge in your safe space and let your body do what it needs to in order to reprogram itself. 

Rest is not negotiable, it’s a necessity. 

Spend time with a loved one 

Nothing says “I love myself” and “I’m safe now” like connecting with the ones you love. Especially if you’re someone who knows what it feels like to be inherently disconnected and alone around your mother and family. 

Take a moment to revel in the company of your people today. 

Go for coffee, have lunch, take a walk together, play a board game, or curl up on the couch and watch your favourite movie. 

Notice what it feels like in your body to spend time with others that make you feel safe, loved, accepted, and appreciated for exactly who you are. 

What it's like to feel warmth in your heart and lightness in your body. 

That inner knowing that you are safe to be yourself in someone else's presence and will be honoured and celebrated for your unique gifts and qualities. 

This is everything. 

This is magic. 

This is co-regulation: the process of individuals coming together to help each other navigate their emotions and behaviours in a supportive emotional environment. 

What a time to be alive! 

Cuddle your pets or children 

And lastly, show your children or fur babies some love!

Becoming your own mother as well as stepping into the role of a mother for someone else is so hard. And what’s truly beautiful about this is your ability to show up with your heart cracked wide open despite the things that you’ve gone through. 

The fact that you could have let those things harden you and you didn’t is invaluable. 

Your pets and children are so fortunate to have a mother like you. 

A mother that works through her pain and provides the love and nurturance that she needed when she was younger. 

You are so strong! I see you. 

Nobody asks to have to re-parent themselves. 

It’s painful and it can bring up a lot of feelings. If your emotions bubble up to the surface, hold them with compassion and curiosity. Allow yourself to lean into them, feel them, express them. 

Remind yourself how truly blessed your inner child and adult self is to finally have the mother they always needed.

It’s time to celebrate YOU for stepping up to the plate and re-writing the narrative.

For teaching your inner child that they are loved and cared for and will always have you to keep them safe.  

Happy Mother’s Day to you 💐

Keisha Virago - RPC